In His loving hands...

Are you the kind of person who likes to wait until the end of the movie to find out if everyone is OK or are you the kind of person who asks folks the ending so you don’t have to suffer not knowing? Well with movies I like it for people to tell me how things end so I know how to brace myself. It would be nice if it was that way in life but alas it isn’t. Throughout our adoption journey there hasn’t been anyone who will let us know how things are going to play out, we need to go through each step… trusting God and putting one foot in front of the other.

Today our adoption journey took a twist. We found out that precious Sara is not adoptable. She will not be coming to live with us. Our hearts are aching and confused.  One of our teens asked me the question today “Mom, why would God not allow us to adopt Sara? Everything seemed to just be falling into place, it just seemed so right.” Another thought that was thrown out was “Did we choose the wrong child? Is this why this happened?” I believe in my heart that we followed God just how He wanted us to. We were right when we accepted this referral. God’s ways are not our ways. We cannot see the bigger picture of how God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I can’t answer the big question of “why?”, only God can, though I can see some blessings that have come out of this already.

·         We prayed for Sara- Sara now has an American family whose hearts have been touched in a significant and life changing way because of her. This American family loves her, is praying for her and so are many of their friends and family members. She is a special young lady who is very cared for.

·         Her situation in life may very well improve because of all the attention she has received in this process.  People have taken notice of her. She is wanted. She is special.

·         She is going to be able to be in a sponsorship program  that makes sure her needs are met and she is able to go to a trade school so she has a plan for her future there in Ethiopia.

·         We are more compassionate to grief – As we have readied ourselves for adopting a child/children we have taken classes as well as read a number of books and articles in addition to interviewing adoptees and adoptive families. One of the themes that we have learned about is that adopted children at some point in time will experience grief. Often times this is an ongoing process of feelings they need to deal with. They may grieve the loss of their birth family, their way of life, their culture, their language etc. It can appear at any time. Little things can trigger those feelings and there is no set timeline for how long those feelings may last.  My heart has become more in tune to this because of going through this process of not being able to adopt Sara. I was brought to tears many times this week. One trigger was when I was at a store and I saw an organizing container.  It brought tears to my eyes as agonized if I could buy it for Sara’s room or not. Another moment was when I was watching a child, whom I didn’t know at Taekwondo perform; I felt a loss of potentially not getting to watch Sara master something she too has tried hard at.  As I sort of “watched” myself go through this process this week, I did have a sense of realization that this is the "heart of understanding" that I will need to have for our child that we are adopting. To understand that feelings come and go with no logic attached to them as to why and when but to understand that they just “are” and to accept our child and love them not matter “where they are coming from” in that moment. (I think it has also given me a deeper compassion of parents who have miscarried too).

·         We have been trusting in God and paying attention to what He is doing.  We have been seeking and trusting God to work out the details; big and small through this whole process.  Our prayer life and Bible reading times have improved as well. Our expectations were that this adoption would be rather smooth; we certainly didn’t expect our hearts to be broken or our ideas to be revamped (many times).  We know that our two months of caring Sara in our hearts was meant for us to be a special time. One when we got to love her and pray for her; so in that way we did get to parent her. We are confident that God will also use this time for us to be better parents and to know that we need to just trust God even if we are not privy to how everything is going to work out.

I love to go to the Bible to pour through God’s love letter for us to fill my aching heart. Tonight He gave me so much. Though I still am dazed and sad  I am able to take joy in what God is providing for Sara and for our family.  I have peace that we are in His loving hands; His love endures forever.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Matthew 11:25-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

So after my good cry I know I will sleep well knowing that Jesus has our burdens and He will give us rest.

Thank you for praying with us.

Please continue to lift up sweet Sara in your prayers that she would know Jesus.

Please pray for healing of our hearts, for discernment to know who God is calling for us to adopt, and an openness to embrace and love our child that God is sending to our family.

In Jesus love,

The Robbins Nest
Donna, Chris, Daniel, Molly, Zayden and …